They feel like anyone who gets involved in the class becomes a Crossfit Borg who can only speak of the grandeur of the Crossfit collective and how much better everyone else's lives would be if they would only wake up and realize how awesome it would be if they joined, too. I am not the following kind and never really got into the mindframe of anyone else around me. I am so super individualized.
I have made a bet with these friends. Kind of a bet anyway. I told them, that if they felt, after six weeks, that I have become part of the Crossfit cult, they may freely kick me in the testicles at any given time. I don't wanna lose this bet. I like to keep my testicles as unkicked as possible. The thing is, I need them to keep and eye on me, because people who are in a cult, don't know they are in a cult. They think everything is hunky dory. So, we'll see.
I was supposed to go to a Crossfit welcome session this weekend for an intro class. I was not able to attend this class. Mostly because I was almost dead. I was dead-ish. Only mostly dead. Geh. A Princess Bride joke. This is going well. I was mostly dead for reasons that have yet to be defined. I either had some stomach virus, or I got lingering food poisoning from some undercooked pork that some asshole did not cook properly me being the asshole pork cooker. I felt bed. In the usual flu-like ways I won't get into. And then later, just generally not-well which presented itself with me sleeping a lot and not eating much of anything at all. This went on for a week.
THIS week, on Tuesday, I felt better. I still didn't eat as much as I normally do and was a little fatigued, but I felt a hell of a much better. So I went to my first class.
Whew... Whew doggies. That was a big, goddamn, mistake. My system was not prepared for exercise at that level. Honestly, I have yet to discern if I myself am prepared for that level of exercise, just on a general level. Remains to be seen. However, on THAT day I was nowhere NEAR prepared for it and made a bit of a silly goose out of myself.
In the middle of class I crashed, HARD. I turned whiter than... I hate these... I'm not good at them. I turned whiter than the noise you hear when a white noise generator is generating white noise. That makes no sense. I was really white. Oh! Like
They had to give me glucose and then emailed me later in the evening to make sure I was okay.
Anyway... I barely completed everything that was supposed to be done. The deal with the class is that you have these collections of exercises that you need to complete x number of times. X being as many as you can. I was happy to have x=1.
That was Tuesday. This is Thursday. I went again tonight. I survived. I didn't crash out. But I did learn that Crossfit is HARD. Bastards. Have me working to exhaustion muscles that I am not used to working because I've been doing the same two workouts for 5 years or so.
I learned tonight that I am bad at a couple of things. Figure I am going to have the fun of learning about a lot more things I am bad at. Tonight it was jumping rope and deadlifting. Neither of those things do I do correctly or with any finesse or what you would call proper form.
For me swimming is punching madly at the water trying to make it get out of my way. I kind of jump rope the same way. With any of the correct mechanics, it would probably be easier. I just don't have any of them.
Deadlifting isn't anything I ever got in to. Now I know why. In order to deadlift correctly, you need to stick your buttocks out straight out behind you. I have no buttocks. Therefore I am at a distinct disadvantage. Even after a lot of decent coaching, I could not do it properly and ended up using the very center of my lower back to lift the weight over and over again. Nothing else. It was not good.
During the section where you have to do a set of exercises over and over again, I did a little better, but not as well as I would like. That's okay. I expect to see improvement in that kind of a thing.
Tonight it was lunges with both legs, then ten standing broad jumps of six feet. This was especially difficult for me to have some difficulty doing. Like difficult in my heart because I USED TO JUMP OVER THE HOODS OF CARS AND GODDAMN SHOPPING CARTS.
I was looking over at the two blokes next to me who were able to get more sets done than me and didn't appear to be in any kind of amazing shape. I had to remind myself that the blokes in question were very likely 20 years younger than me and SHOULD be able to do more of that kind of a thing than me.
I can see the appeal of the class. It works all of you almost all the time. I get why people who adhere to it get results. However, the whole "Oh the class is so much fun!" aspect? I'm not seeing THAT.
It's less boring that lifting weights alone in a gym, but it still mostly sucks. I will also monitor to see if this attitude changes.
TRANSMISSION ENDS
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